■ First of all, let me recommend Robert Ferrigno’s portrayal of a future Bill Clinton’s interior monologue as he waits for the start of a gig at a high school gym in his new role as President Obama’s “Outreach Ambassador to the Heartland”, “Missing Rush Limbaugh”:
He stared at cheerleaders, the white one sawing away at the nails on his left hand, the black one working on the left. Their tight sweaters said Ruth Bader Ginsberg High School, class of 2012. The Tennessee Education Commission had renamed the school two years ago, changed it from Ronald Reagan High and the locals still hadn’t gotten over it. Part of the reason he had been sent down here to Mecklenburg for the grin and grab. Tomorrow he hit two Baptist church pancake breakfasts, a Rotary luncheon, and a Boy Scout banquet that evening. There was an election in November and the party needed every vote to becounted. . . .
The TV in the corner of the cramped, high school dressing room had the sound off, but he still flinched whenBarry . . . President Obama and Michelle came onscreen. Follow Us to the Promised Land floated just below their smug faces. Their daily inspirational hour broadcast live to the American people. Michelle had taken a rolled-up newspaper to the FCC right after the inauguration and that had beenthat. . . .
Nothing on the tube but those two, and nothing on radio but Air America from sea to shining sea, the bad-news-and-it’s-your-fault radio network. Some girl in Salt Lake fell and skinned her knee, the American people and their past leaders had failed her, past leaders meaning him, Willie Boy, Elvis, the Big Him. Like he should have installed marshmallow sidewalks or given away bubble wrap pants. He absently rubbed the I’m Sorry button in his lapel. Well, he might be wearing the button, but he wasn’tsorry. . . .
Not that his job as Heartland Ambassador didn’t carry some risks. He patted his ample belly. Getting pretty jowly too. He had put on over 30 pounds since his appointment. Seems like every group he talked to served nothing but barbeque, mashed potatoes, and peach cobbler — his three favorite food groups. His cholesterol spiked higher every day, while the president and First Lady stayed sleek as minks, never missing a chance to flaunt themselves at the “Fat is More Dangerous than Terrorism” rallies that Nancy Pelosi organized. Which, as White House press secretary Chris Mathews put it, effectively made Bill the new Osama bin Laden. Haha. . . .
He pulled out his I-Phone, tried to catch Limbaugh’s latest on the web, but the new NASA filters were blocking it out. Dangit, he missed Rush. One time, Hillary had walked in on him in the Oval Office — no, not that time — and caught him listening to Rush. He had his feet up on the desk, smoking a stogie and just roaring as the Maha Rushy tore into the two of them. Funny stuff. If you can’t laugh atyourself . . . and, truth be told, the man was right about most of it, heck everyone knew that. Hillary though, she started screaming, why are you listening to that maniac? He tapped the ash off his cigar and turned the radio down a little as Rush took a call from Rita X. Just keeping track of the enemy, honeykins, he had said, and besides, you expect me to listen to NPR? Evidently she did.
■ For the Quote of the Day, here is Roger Clegg:
From an L.A. Times op-ed today, about why it’s racist to call Obama “elitist”: “`Elitist’ is another word for ‘arrogant,’ which is another word for ‘uppity,’ that old calumny applied to blacks who stood up for themselves.” Of course, “humble” is another word for “subservient,” which is another word for “slavish.” I guess it’s best not to say anything about Senator Obama, but isn’t ignoring someone because he’s black something that racists do, too?
Yes, it is. Are you wearing your “I’m Sorry” button, Roger?
■ The ABC moderators in last night’s Hillary-Obama 12-rounder asked somewhat tougher questions than, f’rinstance, Slick Barry faced at last week’s Associated Press annual meeting, including mirabile dictu one pointing out that, “in each instance, when the [capital gains tax] rate dropped, revenues from the tax increased; the government took in more money. And in the 1980s, when the tax was increased to 28 percent, the revenues went down.”
But Senator Obama has higher priorities than government revenues. He responded, “Well, Charlie, what I’ve said is that I would look at raising the capital gains tax for purposes of fairness.” He then proceeded to rant about how much hedge fund managers get paid. He could have shortened his answer by reciting Huey Long’s little ditty:
Every man can be a king,
Every man a millionaire.
There is money everywhere,
If only they would share!
Both candidates pledged that taxes will go up for anyone earning over $250,000 a year. That is just a tad higher than what Barack and Michelle Obama were making before book royalties for him and a big raise for her sent their fortunes skyrocketing. Let’s recall that Michelle Obama laments how hard it was to make ends meet on $240,000 a year. Yet $10,000 above that is the plateau of the idle, milkable rich.
■ I’ll take good news where I find it and thus am delighted that Barack Obama has killed federal campaign finance regulation. Since January, the Federal Election Commission has had two members and four vacancies. Without a quorum, it can’t do anything. President Bush nominated two new commissioners last year: one Democrat and one Republican, as required by law. Senator Obama has blocked a vote on the Republican, on the ground that, when he held a post in the Justice Department, he defended the constitutionality of laws requiring voters to show identification at the polls. (Having spent his political career in squeaky clean Chicago, the Senator believes that vote fraud is a myth.)
On Monday, the Democratic nominee withdrew, saying that he couldn’t wait any longer for confirmation. The Democratic Senate leader promptly announced that finding a replacement will take “several months”, which means that the FEC is all but certain to remain hors de combat until after the Presidential election.
Yes, this is a misfortune for Senator McCain, who now won’t be able to get public financing for his campaign even if he wants it. (A two-member FEC can’t release funds.) But we can hope that, instead of indulging in schadenfreude over the ironic legacy of McCain-Feingold, conservatives will decide that digging into their wallets for campaign contributions is better than four years of higher taxes at home and national humiliation abroad. And maybe President McCain will thereafter see his handiwork in a less sunny light.
■ Finally, everybody should read Michael Totten’s “Hope for Iraq’s Meanest City”, telling how, after a long, hard struggle, American and Iraqi forces have broken the mufsidun stranglehold on Fallujah. It’s not a tale of brilliant plans brilliantly executed but of persistence in the face of adversity, of learning from mistakes, trying again and never giving up – the qualities that are essential to winning any war, especially one against an enemy for whom atrocities are the weapon of choice and whose chief hope of victory lies in our unwillingness to keep going when the going isn’t smooth.
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